Thoughts of a Drowsy Pineapple
Welcome to my personal journey and Ah-Ha moments dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, and everything in between.
***Trigger warning: Rape***
A few days back or so, (sometime last week even if I can’t remember already) I had blocked my mother and told her I needed space. Well, honestly, she isn’t really my mother – she didn’t raise me AND she gave up her parental rights (things I also just learned last week) So I guess I’ll just call her birth giver.
Every morning I have a bit of anxiety: The ‘I know I have something important to do today, but am anxious about it so I put off getting up until the last possible minute, and then get anxious about being late’ syndrome.
This post is literally a procrastination post. This is literally every day of my life.
Today I have to go drop off a payment for my car. I told her 8am but it looks like it won’t be until 9. I’m not proud of it but every morning the stress and thought of interacting, watching what I say and do, in this case I also hate my car but can afford nothing better at this time – it all wells up in a pit inside my stomach. It feels like it settles under my sternum and perches there like Poe’s Raven glaring at me.
Yikes my last alarm just went off. The drive down there is awful. It is an hour away and I get such anxiety driving.. Urgh not a good start to the day. Well, wish me luck!
What does the start to your day look like?
I hope you have an enjoyable day. -SK
Again, it is 12:03 am and I should definitely be asleep! Alas my night owls, I cannot sleep and am too wound up.
Lesson of the day: It is okay to cut toxic people out of your life.
Hello stargazers,
I was supposed to go to bed ages ago, but of course, because of anxiety sucks I am still clearly up. You might know how that goes. I am however going to attempt to go to sleep. I promise I will give a proper intro tomorrow after work and my class. I just wanted to say hi and let you know I’m not abandoning you right after creation.
Sleep well and enjoy the moonbeams! -SK
An explanation behind the name: Thoughts of a Drowsy Pineapple
I will write my unfiltered thoughts here. As I think them, they will come out, as this is a place for me to express myself (hence the word thoughts). You are more than welcome to come along for the journeys! I am always tired and sleepy because I don’t get nearly enough sleep but also because depression and anxiety are exhausting. So, I chose the word drowsy to show that about myself. Pineapples, not only are they are one of the best fruits in the world, but my best friend used to write me stories when I was in High School to help me through my low points. In every story I was the Pineapple Princess and so the name just kind of stuck.
Basically, I am a drowsy pineapple just looking to spill my thoughts somewhere.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
Thoughts of a Drowsy Pineapple 